The Weekly Haboob
Hold on there, Barack!
What do you think you're doing?
Who do you think you are?
You can't play with my friends!
Steven. Jennifer. Eddie.
Go ahead. Just try. I'll stamp my feet and scream "slash and burner, slash and burner."
I'll get you, Barack Obama.
I'll haunt you night and day!
Where have you been? Everyone adores me.
I'm the anointed one!
It's all about ME!
How dare you make this campaign difficult for me!
I've paid my dues!
I'm the next Democratic nominee for President.
I'm in this to win.
This campaign thing...it's just politics.
My friends owe ME!
You DO think I'll be the next President, don't you, David Geffen?
You didn't answer me right away. You had to think about it first, didn't you? If you really had thought I'd be the next Prez, you would've spoken right up.
You would've bankrolled me! If this Barack character hadn't shown up.
I know when I've been insulted. I KNOW WHEN I'VE BEEN INSULTED.
Geffen, and your friends are the most thoughtless bunch I've ever known. You don't care anything me, about what I went through, about how I DESERVE be the next President.
Sometimes I don't think people realize that they could lose me.
America, are you sure you want to risk losing me?
And Barack, lose that stupid rhetoric! What self-respecting politician spreads a message of hope?
I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
I stayed married to Bill and manipulated the basic philosophy of feminism to make it work for me. So what? Feminism is all about choice.
Don't you women know that?
What's wrong with you people?
Who cares if I appear opportunistic? That's what the game's all about, baby.
Take advantage of the opportunities as they come.
But I want to run a very positive campaign. I sure don't want Democrats or supporters of Democrats to be engaging in the politics of personal destruction.
So, Barack, give back the $1.3 million to that traitor, Geffen.
Call me ambitious?
Call me a liar?
Put 'em up, put 'em up! Which one of you first?
I can fight you both together if you want.
I can fight you with my vote for the Iraq war tied behind my back.
I can fight you standing on my rationalization for my vote. I can fight you with my eyes closed to my polarizing effect on this country.
So, pull a fundraiser on me, eh?
Sneaking up on me, eh?
I'll get you, Geffen....
...and your little dog, Barack Obama, too.