Midterm Funnies

Laugh Riot 11

Stop Lying About My Record!

Republican officials are blaming tonight's GOP losses on Democrats, who they claim have engaged in a wide variety of "aggressive, premeditated, anti-Republican campaigns" over the past six-to-18 months.

"We have evidence of a well-organized, well-funded series of operations designed specifically to undermine our message, depict our past performance in a negative light, and drive Republicans out of office," said Republican National Committee chairman Ken Mehlman, who accused an organization called the Democratic National Committee of spearheading the nationwide effort.

"There are reports of television spots, print ads, even volunteers going door-to-door encouraging citizens to vote against us."

Acknowledging that the "damage has already been done," Mehlman is seeking a promise from Democrats to never again engage in similar practices.


--The Onion, 11/7/2006

Grab the Net.

"Tell me if you think I’m crazy. This is what I’m thinking. I think we all need to call 1 888 DEM VOTE all at the same time."

"And, by the way, when you call, when you call the number — and remember, it’s ‘Dem Vote’ not ‘Dumb Vote’."

Listen here

--Laura Ingraham, after playing a recording of DNC Chairman Howard Dean promoting the line to voters, Ingraham suggested her listeners call en masse.

Clever Is as Clever Does

"Goodness, gracious! Stuff happens. It's not my business to do intelligent work. Death has a tendency to encourage a depressing view of war. As you know, you go to war with the army you have, not the army you might want or wish to have at a later time. Freedom's untidy, and free people are free to make mistakes and commit crimes and do bad things.

"I'm not into this detail stuff. I'm more concepty. I don't do diplomacy. I don't do quagmires. I believe what I said yesterday. I don't know what I said, but I know what I think, and, well, I assume it's what I said. If I know the answer I'll tell you the answer, and if I don't, I'll just respond, cleverly."

--Donald Rumsfeld, thoughts on his "retirement" (Political Humor)

"I think Rumsfeld may be not too long for this world. . . . Let's dump him."

--President Richard Nixon, April 7, 1971, talking about his young White House aide whom he said was too critical of the Vietnam War